Very Mary-Kate

Jan 31, 2010

I get a new place. Ash looks totes fugly - ugh - I mean tired in this one. Wardrobe provided by Donna Karen.

Jan 31, 2010

My bodyguard is responsible for everything related to my body, including moving the stuff I surround my body with.

Jan 31, 2010

Got legit sick filming this. Didn’t sleep for 48 hrs. Not cuz of drugs, you haters, b/c I’m an effing method actor.

Jan 31, 2010

I consider getting a baby. At least I think that’s what happens. It’s been a while since I read the script.

Feb 8, 2010

Bodyguard flat out refuses to be my daddy baby, so I flat out threaten to steal his sperm.

Mar 1, 2010

I’m tired of waiting around for that special someone to have a baby for me.

Mar 1, 2010

I learn never to drive drunk. Especially when driving a blimp.

Mar 1, 2010

I know to get emotional when the piano music kicks in.

Mar 13, 2010

I get acting lessons from the Academy Award-winning creep-o.

Apr 4, 2010

I decide to get a cat rather than have a baby because it’s more expensive.

Apr 4, 2010

I’m going back to college to get my The Bachelor degree.

Apr 11, 2010

Can I have an extension on that paper I have to write? I have to learn how to write.

Apr 11, 2010

I ended up getting an “F” for “F”-ort.

Apr 18, 2010

It’s just a little crush and I throw up a little every time they touch.

Apr 18, 2010

But Ashley doesn’t have nipple hair!

Apr 26, 2010

Quiet, Evil Dragon, I’m trying to write a description!

Apr 29, 2010

A date with Zac Efron? Zac Ef yes!

May 3, 2010

Is this about all those blimps I crashed? Because I keep telling you guys, I don’t care.

May 3, 2010

Do you feel lucky, Bodyguard? Are you a Luckyguard?

Oct 12, 2010

OMG you guys! I’m back! Did you miss me?

Oct 14, 2010

Comet is back! Thank you, science!

Oct 19, 2010

Cheating is so hard! I need to learn how to cheat at it.

Oct 21, 2010

Amir guest stars as Mary-Kate’s Godfather.

Oct 26, 2010

Tricking is less calorific than treating.

Oct 28, 2010

Phil Hoffman’s scariest as himself.

Nov 2, 2010

My dog ate this video description.

Nov 4, 2010

The best presentation in the history of history class.

Nov 9, 2010

Learning to drive is as easy as eating pie. It’s very hard.

Nov 11, 2010

Where there’s a will, there’s a way too talkative.

Nov 16, 2010

Bodyguard’s in his birthday suit.

Nov 18, 2010

Bodyguard gets a pink slip. Oooooh, pink!

Nov 23, 2010

One girl’s trash is another girl’s bodyguard.

Nov 30, 2010

A face that only her sister could love.

Dec 2, 2010

Rub-a-dub-dub, Ashley wants some love.

Dec 7, 2010

I put my Louisiana Purchase on my Amex.

Dec 9, 2010

Bodyguard and Professor go head-to-fat-head.

Dec 14, 2010

Ashley won’t take gross for an answer.

Dec 16, 2010

It’s not bulimia when you haven’t eaten.

Dec 21, 2010

Mary-Kate gets D and dirty with G almighty.

Dec 28, 2010

The lord is my shepherd, but lambswool makes me itchy.

Jan 4, 2011

Jan 6, 2011

Jan 11, 2011

Deserts are even scarier than desserts.

Jan 13, 2011

Mary-Kate tweets her way to safety.

Jan 18, 2011

Is a gold rush when Tiffany’s has a sale?

Jan 20, 2011

Always present on an empty stomach.

Dec 1, 2011

I can’t raise my hand. I’m allergic to effort.

Dec 8, 2011

Magazines are sooo heavy. Especially the ones with pictures of fat people.

Dec 15, 2011

Can’t sleep? Count sheepskin boots.

Dec 22, 2011

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house… I was shuffling around chain smoking and trying on different shoes.

Jan 6, 2012

War – what is it good for? Cute uniforms.

Jan 12, 2012

She’s a rock star of David.

Jan 19, 2012

It’s freezing cold under all these layers.

Jan 26, 2012

Sing along! Actually no, just find my phone.

Feb 2, 2012

Start the morning with a gallon of joe.

Feb 9, 2012

It’s always the bodyguard you least suspect.

Feb 17, 2012

I fought the law and the law was a jerk face.

Feb 23, 2012

Is this the duckface of a criminal?

Mar 8, 2012

Mary-Kate deals with life in the slammer.

Mar 15, 2012

Mary-Kate loves shiny appliances! And by that she means sweaty laborers.

Mar 22, 2012

Mary-Kate and Bodyguard may have effed up and effed.

Apr 1, 2012

Butler stays abreast of Maggie Smith’s love life.

Apr 5, 2012

Mary-Kate goes to sleep to the soothing sounds of a yelling professor.

Apr 12, 2012

Mary-Kate sabotages Professor in front of the school board.

Apr 19, 2012

First one to fall asleep gets a hand in warm Pellegrino.

Apr 26, 2012

Take once per day with a picture of food.

May 3, 2012

Mary-Kate’s cat meows out against drugs.

May 10, 2012

Mary-Kate challenges Bodyguard to some 1am Pictionary.

May 24, 2012

When Maggie Smith’s teacup goes handle-less, everyone’s a suspect.

May 31, 2012

Mary-Kate gets lost indoors and has to crack out her survival skills.

Jan 24, 2013

Mary-Kate’s nail art should hang in a museum.

Jan 31, 2013

Mary-Kate makes a French connection.

Feb 7, 2013

Mary-Kate is torn between her muscleman and her Frenchman.

Feb 14, 2013

The Oscar creeper sabotages Mary-Kate and Sarkozy’s date.

Feb 21, 2013

Who wants daiquiris??? #nofilter

Mar 7, 2013

Mary-Kate writes her teacher evaluations, and Fat Professor forms a rebuttal.

Mar 13, 2013

Mary-Kate and Jewish-Looking Girl trip into friendship.

Mar 21, 2013

Mary-Kate needs help with a homework assignment, and enlists the help of everyone she knows.

Mar 28, 2013

Mary-Kate creates her own drinking game, and quickly gets sick of it.

Apr 11, 2013

Bodyguard and Mary-Kate’s relationship takes a turn for the staticky.

Apr 18, 2013

Mary-Kate gives a presentation about the Wig Party.

Apr 25, 2013