Car 54, Where Are You?

Sep 17, 1961

In the pilot, the boys are desperate to angle for swordfish. After shift-swapping with the entire precinct and avoiding any issuance of tickets (to avert court duty), will they go?

Sep 24, 1961

Gunther Toody drives the entire station batty chairing the committee to get everyone's favorite desk Sgt. Sol Abrams a surprise 25 year present. Toody keeps changing his little mind seeking the perfect gift, and insists on parliamentary procedure for meetings. Abrams' sore feet confine him to desk work, so he worries that it'll be 25 and out, if the brass find out how bad the precinct's sweetheart's hurting.

Oct 1, 1961

The boys use extraordinary techniques to rehabilitate a recently released petty thief. Unfortunately, Benny has other ideas.

Oct 8, 1961

Toody and Muldoon's 9 blissful years as partners stun a researcher who finds the average prowl car pair last only 16 months before screaming to be switched. If the NYPD management engineer can discover their secret and replicate it, that'll save the blue brass many headaches. But Gunther and Francis' precinct mates don't want to know what actually goes on in Car 54, or even worse: can New York's finest clone empty-headed chatterbox Toody and somber, cerebral Muldoon ?

Oct 15, 1961

Introducing Mrs. Bronson, the sweet Jewish grandmother confounding the boys at the 53rd as well as New York City's bureaucracy.

Oct 22, 1961

Toody convinces 'Tessie the Torso', a buxom sex-symbol, to stay at Francis's mother's house. It turns out, Muldoon is a huge fan.

Oct 29, 1961

A car thieving ring is using an auto body shop to paint stolen cars and resell them. The 53rd is down to only two patrol cars, so the boys are desperate to keep their beloved car 54. When it's damaged by a pulled-over driver, they take it to the same repair shop.

Nov 5, 1961

Lucille plays matchmaker for Francis.

Nov 12, 1961

The boys are told to shut down a gypsy ripoff artist, and when they do, the gypsy puts a curse on Toody.

Nov 19, 1961

Gunther and Lucille Toody give their landlord notice because they're fed up with their crumbling apartment.

Nov 26, 1961

After a chance traffic stop with Hugh Downs, Gunther finagles an appearance on the Jack Paar show of a fellow officer he thinks is funny.

Dec 3, 1961

Toody is feeling henpecked by Lucille, but musters the courage to become king of his castle after seeing a stirring performance of Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew."

Dec 10, 1961

The 53rd Precinct's Brotherhood Club's newly elected treasurer Gunther Toody is determined to invest their hard-earned $800 in the stock market despite the protests of his fiscally conservative colleagues.

Dec 17, 1961

While Schnauser is laid up in the hospital, Toody is tapped by the FBI to go undercover to help them nab notorious bank robber "No Face."

Dec 24, 1961

The boys from the 53rd put on a Christmas review. Two Gilbert & Sullivan parodies featuring Capt. Block & Muldoon, a heart-tugging song from Toody, and other sketches.

Jan 7, 1962

Muldoon's the big expert on rules and regulations, but he's scared to take the test to become a sergeant.

Jan 14, 1962

The boys are attempting to win the barbershop quartet competition for "the old man" Capt. Block. The rules require all 163 quartets to perform the same song, which drives poor Jan Murray to insanity.

Jan 21, 1962

After the police chief drives through Toody & Muldoon's sector, he's so angered by the scores of violations he sees he orders an investigation - with surprising results.

Jan 28, 1962

Toody is on an undercover detail in Brooklyn with a female cop as his wife and a small boy as his child. When Lucille's sister spots him there, the rumors start flying wildly.

Feb 4, 1962

Muldoon discovers he's grown an inch to 6-foot-seven, putting him one inch over the police regulation and putting him over the edge with paranoia about his height.

Feb 11, 1962

Toody is the only person who can appreciate Karpathia's abstract masterpiece, "Lower Manhattan at Sunset (from the New Jersey Side)." This episode features an inspired performance from Severn Darden.

Feb 18, 1962

The 53rd is embarrassed by the domestic dispute calls that come every Thursday night - from the Schnausers. Toody convinces Leo (along w/the rest of the boys) that Thursday's actually Friday leading to expected hilarious confusion.

Feb 25, 1962

The smartest rookie cop is assigned to ride w/chatty Toody & reticent Muldoon. Can Car 54 survive, now that Muldoon has stimulating conversation?

Mar 4, 1962

Tired of being stereotyped as a mama's boy, Muldoon feigns having a hot date at "the hottest club in the Bronx". When his bluff is called by doubting coworkers, he quickly commandeers a puritan family who gets the wrong impression from his weapon!

Mar 11, 1962

The boys go under cover at Yankee Stadium to stem the onslaught of pickpockets. One skilled pilferer turns the tide on Toody; who ends up arrested?

Mar 18, 1962

Burkholtz, relegated to the Lost & Found for 15 years due to his extreme laxity is the only choice to sub for Capt. Block on his forced two week vacation. The boys mistake his absence from active duty thinking it's because he was too tough!

Mar 25, 1962

Leo and Sylvia Schnauser decide to renew their vows with a large wedding ceremony.

Apr 1, 1962

The boys of the 53rd Precinct pull together to buy Captain Block the matching Aleutian Ceremonial Chair he desires to complete his set.

Apr 8, 1962

Gunther and Lucille's 11-year-old nephew Marvin, in the Big Apple for a Boy Scout event, helps Toody and Muldoon crack the cases that have flummoxed New York's Finest.

Apr 22, 1962

Lucille dyes her hair to get Gunther to notice her, and when he finally does, look out.

Sep 16, 1962

Because their partnership has lasted so long, the secret service choose Toody and Muldoon to drive the president to the U.N. Unfortunately, Muldoon is incapacitated by the stress of ferrying his hero, Kennedy.

Sep 23, 1962

Francis and Lucille get the wrong idea, while watching a steamy movie on TV, that each loves the other.

Sep 30, 1962

When a medical doctor sees similarities between two oxen yoked together for 10 years and Car 54's occupants, the boys try to behave out-of-sync, but fail.

Oct 7, 1962

The boys recount what happened when Schnauser was taken off his mounted police route.

Oct 14, 1962

When the 53rd precinct Whippoorwills audition for Mitch Miller, it's clear which of the 4 is the problem, but who will tell Toody?

Oct 21, 1962

Mrs. Bronson causes trouble again -- by moving in to her promised apartment on the day it was promised to her -- but it's not finished! Once again she's adept at deflecting all opponents.

Oct 28, 1962

A fortune-telling scam ring mistakes Leo as royalty, and calls Sylvia with the news. Another mistake has the con artists convincing an undercover Toody that he's royalty, and Leo's his brother.

Nov 4, 1962

Muldoon's sister Peggy lands a part in the play "Waiting for Wednesday" and the boys of the 53rd Precinct become financial backers before learning that it's a gritty play about police brutality.

Nov 11, 1962

Toody winds up undercover as part of a mob ring. His intimate knowledge of the area (bank layouts, burglar alarms & patrolmen habits) makes him a better crook than cop.

Nov 18, 1962

When Toody takes care of Captain Block's parrot, he decides to teach it to talk. But this backfires when he says he hates Captain Block in front of the bird, and the parrot begins repeating it.

Nov 25, 1962

Sylvia Schnauser goes into delusional rapture when asked to plug cookies on television.

Dec 2, 1962

The boys finally bust a nasty nuisance in the Park - "Pretzel Mary". When they see her deplorable living conditions they replace her furniture - not realizing what they're taking away.

Dec 9, 1962

When the boys of the 53rd Precinct suddenly show an interest in the clean and uplifting Broadway epic "Little Miss Pioneer," so does the prurient public.

Dec 16, 1963

After overhearing the Captain rehearsing a play in his office, the boys think he's a kleptomaniac! They "cover" for him by re-stealing all his Xmas presents. Can they make things right by the end of Christmas Eve?

Dec 30, 1962

To get girl-shy Francis to ask the Captain's niece to the Mardi Gras Ball, the 53rd conspires to boost his ego. Suddenly, he's a Casanova! Who will go to the Ball?

Jan 6, 1963

A gang buys the cursed eatery next to the bank to drill through the common wall into the vault -- but the boys of the 53rd stop by to see how they're doing, and help them establish a luncheonette instead.

Jan 13, 1963

Benny's up for parole yet again, and the boys are sure he's going straight now. They set him up w/a candy store, and when he gets "in trouble" and tries mightily to get back in jail, the 53rd won't hear of it

Jan 20, 1963

An unexpected challenger vies to unseat Muldoon in his bid to be reelected as president of the policeman's Brotherhood Club.

Jan 27, 1963

The boys chaperon two Russian ambassadors, and turn them into American capitalists.

Feb 3, 1963

Muldoon's father, Patrick was a police captain and a hero -- or was he?

Feb 10, 1963

Gunther and Lucille Toody are trying to make some extra money. They decide to rent a room,taking in a preacher as a paying boarder. He seems as honest as the day is long but is he actually who he says he is?

Feb 17, 1963

After Tooday tells Muldoon that "today's a very important day",Muldoon,the men & high ranking officials,try to figure out why it is.

Feb 24, 1963

The boys of the 53rd Precinct attempt to help rehabilitate chronically drunk Charlie by finding him a job where he won't be tempted to drink, but the officers'regular visits to check up on Charlie have an unnerving effect on his teetotalist coworkers. A Larry Storch tour de force!

Mar 3, 1963

When the boys find out that no one is going to the Bar Mitzvah of one boy on their basketball team because of his hated father, they spring into action.

Mar 10, 1963

A criminal gang bases its heists on the plots of the television program "Crimebusters," which program is also one of Officer Toody's favorite shows.

Mar 17, 1963

When a septuagenarian delicatessen owner reports he will be marrying Joan Crawford, the boys of the 53rd are sent out to bust the phony matrimonial service that promises to pair its clients with Hollywood movie stars.

Mar 24, 1963

Lucille is upset over turning 40, so Gunther decides to surprise her by buying her a wig for a birthday gift, a deceptively simple endeavor fraught with misunderstanding and melodrama when nosy Sylvia Schnauser stumbles upon the scheme.

Mar 31, 1963

Sylvia Schnauser helps the police dept. to set a trap for con artists posing as book publishers.

Apr 7, 1963

At the begging and pleading of a girl (Shari Lewis) at a local beauty parlor, Toody and Muldoon enlist the help of champion boxer, (Sugar Ray Robinson) in a scheme to discourage a local male hair dresser at the same parlor from continuing his amateur boxing career.

Apr 14, 1963

A jinx arrives at the 53rd and continues his streak of bringing bad luck wherever he goes.