When it comes to comedy, I’ll gladly stand up and applaud filmmakers who create works that knock it out of the park. But, to earn such praise, there’s a catch – their work has got to be good. To me, fewer things are worse than a big screen offering that pathetically struggles to be funny and ends up falling flat on its behind, sadly transforming itself into a bad punchline or witless pratfall. Regrettably, that’s precisely what torpedoes this latest feature outing from director Jack C. Newell, a humorless, unoriginal attempt at a comedic romp that starts out modestly entertaining but that rapidly slides into an embarrassing exercise in relentless tedium. Big Apple con artists Oly (Michael Waller) and Kara (Sydney Blackburn) operate a housecleaning company that specializes in emptying out the residences of recently deceased wealthy socialites, a scam through which they hope to discreetly pilfer valuables out from under the noses of the departeds’ unsuspecting families. Unfortunately, though, Oly and Kara never manage to pull off the big scores that they so desperately long for, and the disappointment of these underwhelming hauls is exacerbated when their former clients begin to discover that the duo was responsible for the theft of the few precious trinkets that were available. These disheartening results eventually lead them to consider giving up their scheme altogether. But, just as they’re ready to walk away, they stumble upon an opportunity for a potentially big payday when they discover that Oly is the spitting image of a disappeared heir, one who stands to inherit a lucrative estate and mansion from his late father. Given the unknown whereabouts of the missing beneficiary, all Oly needs to do is show up and pull off a convincing impersonation of the mystery man long enough to claim the inheritance and walk away a rich man. But, as Oly and Kara begin working their plan, they learn that the family and associates of the deceased are even more crooked than they are. So now what? On the surface, the picture’s premise would seem to be rife with delicious comedic possibilities. Unfortunately, however, the pair’s efforts at absconding with the ill-gotten fortune is where the film starts quickly going downhill. To put it simply, unlike the picture’s modestly entertaining prologue, the main event simply isn’t funny. The film degenerates into a silly, almost juvenile slapstick affair riddled with redundant uninspired bits that start out lame and grow progressively more annoying as the story unfolds. It reaches for laughs, even falling back on stunningly trite plot devices like a pie fight (now there’s an original idea) to try and generate chuckles. By the time I reached this point in the film, I couldn’t wait for it to end (or, should I say, for it to be put out of its misery). What’s more, I have difficulty understanding why this picture was slated for a featured screening at an LGBTQ+ film festival, given that the tangential gay connection to this story is virtually nonexistent, coming across more like a last-minute afterthought than anything else. “American Schemers” is another case where I’ve probably been more generous with my rating than I needed to be, thanks primarily to the strength of the opening act; if I had to grade it purely on what followed, I wouldn’t have been nearly so charitable. The real shame here is that this probably could have been a raucous tale if it had a better screenplay and narrative. As it stands now, though, it’s a victim of lazy, uninspired writing featuring stale elements many of us have already seen before. And that, unfortunately, is not comedy but tragedy.